PODCAST #1 – JUNE 30, 2010

(for those who are new to it, a “podcast” is an informal online radio show with host and guests. This one is fun, informative and free!)

This podcast comes to you from my “sister” site,  SINGING TIPS WITH BARBARA LEWIS. Because the topic of the conversation in this podcast is so in tune with the idea of “well being,”  I have included it here on this site.

In this first “All About Singing” Podcast, voice expert Meribeth Dayme, and I talk about mysterious “energetic” ways to become more creative… Very unique and compelling ideas!
(If you are inspired by this show to !stand up and sing! find information about online singing lessons with Barbara Lewis here.)

TO LISTEN TO THE PODCAST, click the small arrow:

If you want to READ AS YOU LISTEN!, here is the text from the podcast:

Hello.

Welcome to the first podcast in this new series called, “All About Singing.”

My name is Barbara Lewis.

Today I’m going to talk with Meribeth Dayme, the founder and director of Core Singing, an approach to singing that brings new perspectives to the field of vocal performance based on energy, awareness, imagination, practice, and performance. We’re going to talk about ways to create the right energy in a lesson or coaching session, – the kind of enrgy that will bring more creativity and more fun to lessons, and in doing that, help us to sing better.

Meribeth has several important tips to share with us today based on her unique work in Core Singing.

Hi, Meribeth.

Meribeth: Hi.

Barbara: First, tell us what you mean by ‘energy’.

Meribeth: Okay. You asked me…you gave me a little bit of forewarning that you were going to ask me this question.

Barbara: Yes, we had a little chat.

Meribeth: So I thought, just for the heck of it, I will look it up to see if there’s a decent definition, okay? Just so I would have an official one before I give you the one I’m going to give you that I use. And what I found was no one has a really good definition of energy. It’s typically thought of as being work. I think of it as being movement.

Barbara: Oh. Wow.

Meribeth: Okay? And I think of it as something dynamic. Work is dynamic but, you know, creating heat…like people normally associate it with physics and thermodynamics and things like that. But also people associate it with healing, with anything that makes a change in something else. You need energy to help that change be made.

Barbara: Um- hmm (agreement).

Meribeth: For instance, people who do hands-on healing use certain kinds of energy to make a change in the other person.

Barbara: The other person’s energy.

Meribeth: Yes. Or you will say about somebody, “Gosh, they have a lot of energy today.”

Barbara: Or yeah, that can mean that they seem to…that they’ve eaten a lot and they’re very excited and ready to go but it can also mean the kind of energy where you say, “That person has great energy,” whatever that means.

Meribeth: Exactly.

Barbara: It’s mysterious, but we all know what that means.

Meribeth: Yes. But we can’t really describe it.

Barbara: Or say what it comes from.

Meribeth: Yes.

Barbara: When you say “Gee, when I walked into this room I just felt that there was such great energy here.”

Meribeth: Yeah.

Barbara: And we’re going to be talking about that. But it’s a mysterious thing, and you bring this into your work in a way that’s much more tangible. And that’s what you’re going to talk about today in your tips for us.

Meribeth: Yes.

Barbara: Let’s start with your first.

Meribeth: Okay, but let me just say again, people say, “energy follows thought,” and it’s very very interesting if you’re going to make a shirt, you first think about it. You conceive and then you do it. Almost everything has an idea behind it before it happens.

Barbara: Hmmm…okay.

Meribeth: And that is the basis of what I want to talk about in terms of energy in the studio. Because the energy…the thought patterns…the way you work with people, the language you use, all contribute to how good or how bad the area around you feels to somebody else.

Barbara: The way you think about it.

Meribeth: Yes.

Barbara: What you’re thinking. So when I walk into a lesson, if I’m in a bad mood then that’s obviously going to affect the lesson and obviously the teacher’s in a bad mood or has preconceived notions of about how this lesson is going to go, that can be harmful.

Meribeth: Exactly. So I think that when you understand that your thoughts, the things you do in your space, and in this case your studio space, all have a direct effect on whoever walks in there. Then it is going to…certainly for me, give me a different sense of responsibility of how I work with the space in which I live. And most of us are familiar with, “Okay, I’ll put some flowers in here, I’ll do this…and it does change the energy or change the feeling of how that place is.

Barbara: True.

Meribeth: But for teaching, I don’t think we’ve ever thought enough about clearing our thought patterns before somebody walks in. Because if I’m sitting there thinking, “Here comes Jamie Smith and every time she’s sung that song she gets that note wrong on page 3, then I am actually creating an atmosphere for her to come and exactly do that again.

Barbara: So how do we exactly prepare ourselves for the next student, if in fact that student doesn’t do any of the work and just keeps coming back with the same problems. How do you clear yourself so that you can give them space to not do that again?

Meribeth: Right…for one thing, I would change the way they approach that music. Okay? So that’s a different…that’s another issue.

Barbara: True.

Meribeth: If I’m trying to do something the same way 16 times and it doesn’t change then it’s no good to keep approaching it that way ’cause it’s not working.

Barbara: Right.

Meribeth: So, that’s that issue. But for me what people need to do…what teachers need to do in their studio is make sure that they are being neutral about the people that come in and not issuing negative thoughts and energies about the person and it is also the student’s responsibility to do that. Now they may not know that, so maybe part of your teaching in your studio is to help them understand that the language they use and the thought patterns that they have around their singing are just as important as the singing itself.

Barbara: Um. It seems like a simple thought but it’s actually quite radical.

Meribeth: Yes.

Barbara: Because I don’t think too many of us as singers or as teachers do that as a matter of course.

Meribeth: No. We like to say ‘we create our own reality’.

Barbara: Yes. Yes. So give us a couple of examples of things that you might do in order to clear the energy for the next student.

Meribeth: First of all, I would clear myself. And clearing energy is about your intent…your mental intent. So I might visualize light in the studio or I might breathe in light and breathe out any negative energies that are there.

Barbara: Um-hm. (agreement).

Meribeth: I would certainly clear myself of any thoughts I had about the student who came before…

Barbara: Okay.

Meribeth: …so that I’m fully present myself and I…in an ideal world I would welcome the next student who came in as if they were coming in for the first time.

Barbara: Hmm…wow.

Meribeth: Okay? That I have no preconceived ideas about what they were going to do or how they were going to do it.

Barbara: So, no matter what happened the last lesson or the last few, today is a new day.

Meribeth: A new day.

Barbara: And it’s a possibility for a new person.

Meribeth: Exactly.

Barbara: It’s also…it’s important that the student also do things for themselves. They have to take some responsibility for their own thinking and their own energy. What do you suggest that students do that might be something that they would not ordinarily do?

Meribeth: I think first of all it’s the teacher’s responsibility to help them understand that they need to do that.

Barbara: Okay. Yes.

Meribeth: And as part of the teaching that the student learns to take responsibility for their attitudes and their belief systems around singing. Because if they’re coming in saying, “Oh, I can never sing high notes,” then they simply will not be able to, so no matter what the teacher does, that student will negate the good work that that teacher is trying to do. So there’s an understanding about that kind of language, that kind of attitude, that kind of belief system from the very beginning.

Barbara: That makes a lot of sense. Sure. You stress the importance of play during lessons. Talk a little bit about what that means to you. How do you play through a lesson?

Meribeth: Well, I go back to the example of children playing. They play with sound all the time and they have a great time and they think it’s funny and they enjoy it and they’re not embarrassed and it’s just a matter of life. Well, when we get serious, our left brain comes in and we start analyzing everything and then we lose that ability to play and to have the imagination fully available to us. And creativity and certainly singing and performing arts are about having that imagination there because that’s what the audience enjoys. And I often say to pianists, “You play the piano, you don’t serious the piano.”

Barbara: (laughter). Oh, that’s good. But is there not…we’re going to talk more about play and its importance, but is there not a place also for some seriousness or some I mean…maybe there’s another way of terming it…

Meribeth: I would say playing seriously. Seriously playing.

Barbara: (laughter). Seriously playing. Because now you’ve got a …for instance you’ve got to prepare yourself for a performance so now you’ve got to pull all this play together in a way that…that allows your instrumentalists to play with you, that you’re not going to give them trouble…so but you know you’ve set something in your mind. You know, there’s a certain kind of practical seriousness that has to happen.

Meribeth: Yes, but it’s serious in another way. It’s serious…I would say, you know, when you’re in the zone you don’t know whether you’re serious or not, do you?

Barbara: Oh, no…absolutely not.

Meribeth: You’re just being taken over…

Barbara: Yes.

Meribeth: …in a sense. By the music, by your imagination, by being with it, and I think this takes a certain type of preparation and practice.

Barbara: Yes.

Meribeth: …and students, again, need to be taught that you don’t walk into a studio and just go plunk, plunk (sings several notes) plunk, plunk.

Barbara: (laughter).

Meribeth: You know. And I was thinking today about this and I thought, “Okay, here’s a question. What are ten ways, ten different ways, you can do a five-note scale? Okay?

Barbara: Yeah.

Meribeth: And it can be dotted notes, it can be triplets, it can be jazz, it can be whatever…and you’re still doing your scale but you’re not doing it as a boring routine.

Barbara: Yes. True.

Meribeth: And to me the moment that we take boredom or ‘I must do this exactly this way’ out of learning music, then by the time you get to performance you’re still able to play with the music.

Barbara: There are people who are going to be listening to this podcast who are quite used to going into a studio and having to do these scales the same way every week, and they may ask you, and I’ll ask for them, “But do you, does your voice, do you get the ability in this playful way of doing things to really have good muscular control over big tone that you have to have to cover an orchestra? Does that happen when you approach it in a…in this way?

Meribeth: It happens even better. You gave the key words there that are the key way to block your sound…muscular control. Okay? It happens. I mean a good athlete doesn’t look at their muscular control while they’re on the court or on the golf course.

Barbara: But they do weights, they prepare.

Meribeth: They get ready, they prepare. They do all kinds of things to deal with that ball…whatever kind of ball it is in whatever sport.

Barbara: Yeah.

Meribeth: But there are times when the ball is not like you prepared for so you have to be able to adjust. Be spontaneous. Deal with it as it comes. And the same thing is going to happen in a performance.

Barbara: Oh, yes. And there you have the audience energy added to everything else which is…

Meribeth: And it’s the way you’ve rehearsed, it’s the way you’ve practiced, it’ the way you think about it, it’s the way you are in yourself…how centered you are that will create your ability to respond to that situation. I’m not saying you should walk out there never having sold a song or not having memorized the words. That’s another thing. But it’s how you approach it.

Barbara: You said…I thought it was very interesting…you said that in every lesson there’s…there is going to be a time for performance…whether it’s one phrase or two phrases or an entire song you said it’s always going to be a performance. Tell us about that. Why?

Meribeth: Because…certainly in my experiences most people who are going to perform only think of performance after they have ’so-called’ perfected the piece.

Barbara: Um-hmmm (agreement)

Meribeth:  Okay? And that may mean that they don’t actually think of performing it ’til a few weeks before they do it or even a few days or until the dress rehearsal. You know, ‘Now I will perform’, and what that means is ‘I will now sing all the way through without stopping myself, without criticizing, because I know the show must go on. And for me, every practice period, I don’t care if you’re practicing ten minutes, that…a phrase, two phrases or part of the song or if you know the whole song you worked on it…I don’t care where it is, there needs to be a full performance.

Barbara: So you’re exercising that part of you that’s in that special place we call performance . Where there’s an audience that’s giving you energy and receiving. Yes it’s a very different energy that you come into when you perform.

Meribeth: Of course. Completely different. But if you’ve never practiced it ’til you get out on stage it’s tough.

Barbara: It’s shocking. And plus, I think this is partly why we get so nervous…

Meribeth: It is definitely the reason we get so nervous. Yes. And people…it’s almost like sometimes singers feel like they have to keep it all a secret until they walk out on stage. (laughter)

Barbara: Oh really? Oh that’s a new one to me.

Meribeth: Rather than, like, calling their friends and saying, “Do you mind if I sing this for you?” Or, “Can I sing a couple of lines?” even.

Barbara: Yeah.

Meribeth: And this to me, in Core Singing, it’s built into the whole process in Core Singing. Because it’s part of every session. Part of every practice, it’s part of every lesson. But for most of us who grew up another way, thinking about how we perform, it’s sort of the crown.

Barbara: Yes, you get to do this once or twice a year or four or five times a year and anything else is in the studio and it’s very serious business.

Meribeth: Yeah, and I used to say, “You know, we get one shot. You know I was teaching in university so I didn’t do that many concerts a year. And if you did one or two concerts where the people who truly did concerts all the time are singing these programs all the time and I’m singing it once, and you get one shot…

Barbara: (laughter) The pressure. Oh, the pressure. Oh yeah.

Meribeth: Yeah. So it’s a whole different kind of way. This way, I think it makes performance much more natural.

Barbara: Yes. Oh yeah.

Meribeth: And it’s about sharing the joy with an audience.

Barbara: Yeah.

Meribeth: You know…I mean yes, you may be singing serious songs or you may be singing happy, sad, whatever…tragic…but it’s part of the sharing with the audience. And when you’re fully there with it they get it.

Barbara: Oh yeah.

Meribeth: They are able to share. But they are not able to share, “I’m thinking about my perfect voice.”

Barbara: (laughter). “I am thinking about that high C that comes at the end of this piece. The rest of the piece doesn’t matter without that C.”

Meribeth: Exactly. When I hear this perfect voice syndrome, I just want to come up behind them and kick them and have them go “Ah!”

Barbara: (laughter) Ah, geez, the sessions with you must be a lot of fun.

Meribeth: Well, I’m crazy.

Barbara: Good. Thank you so much for sharing this with us today.

Meribeth: Thank you.

Barbara: There’s so much to talk about. I mean, we could talk about this for hours. Hopefully you’ll come back and talk with us again.

Meribeth: Of course.

Barbara: Thank you Meribeth.

Meribeth: Thank you.

Barbara: Bye-bye.

Meribeth is currently bringing Core Singing to anyone who wishes to sing. Singers, teachers of singing, choral directors and speech and language pathologists. There are one-day and three-day courses for everyone, and a five-day intensive Teacher Certification Course for those who are already teaching. Find Meribeth Dayme at http://www.aosinging.com/.

And that’s it for us this week. Thank you for listening to All About Singing. My name is Barbara Lewis. You can find us at Singing-Tips-With-Barbara-Lewis.com

I wish you great singing!

Technorati Tags: free vocal training, singing training

Two days ago, I made the trip from Cusco, Peru to the ancient Incan ruin of Machu Picchu – first by mini-bus through the area where the train tracks had been washed away.

Then by train through the cloud forest  - ending up at the little boom-town of Aguas Caliente where people stay before and after they see Machu Picchu which sits much higher in the mountains. I was alone on the large bus that inched its way up the mountain side and around the many breathtaking hair-pin turns. And I was alone with my sense of wonder at the enormity and splendor of the Andes mountains. (Although, surely the bus driver felt it too.)

It had been a week of aloneness in Peru – my significant other was spending some days paddling a remote whitewater river from its source elsewhere in the cloud forest to its confluence with the Amazon. Planning ahead, I thought this would be a good time to launch my newsletter for this site – “Keys To Well-Being.”

WAYS TO BE HAPPY
And so on the solo trip to Machu Picchu and then to Lake Titicaca (a large diamond in the centre of a town named Puno, from where I write these words today), I have been thinking about happiness.

By some funny coincidence, the boat that took me (and 18 others) to the history-rich floating reed islands on Lake Titicaca was named Cusi or “happiness,” in the Quechua language.

Lake Titicaca has at least two major claims to fame: it is considered by some to be the birthplace of the Incan civilization, and at 12,500 feet, it is the highest inhabited lake in the world. Any thinking by me about “happiness” at this elevation was filtered through a perpetual headache, intermittent nose bleeding and constant tingling in all my extremities. Still, the trip was rich with the pleasures of environmental beauty and great history.

I have always felt that the seed of happiness stems from being at peace with where one is heading in life; with having purpose that satisfies certain primal hungers; and with having the ability to love and be loved. I see these life qualities as a deep river that flows steadily and progressively through the years.

But we humans move in and out of these waters so often in our modern, chaotic world, that sometimes we can only cling to a few practical ways to bring a little happiness back into our lives when the river seems to have dried up. And so I offer a few “ways to be happy” that I have found to be very helpful during the dry seasons.

Lake Titicaca From "Cusi" Boat

TAKE A REST FROM FEAR (Ways to be Happy)
The human mind is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it needs to “take a powder” – especially when it comes to the daily onslaught of fears that fill our thoughts: fear of loss; of not having enough; of not being wanted or loved; of not fulfilling our spouses’ desires; of darkness (both inner and outer); of falling down; of failing; of succeeding and not being able to cope; of having harmed our children or not caring enough for our parents; of being ‘found out;’ of getting sick; of dying a painful death… The list of fears that float in and out of the mind goes on and on.

And these thoughts define to some or to a great degree – our lives. More often than not we live and make decisions through a veil of irrational fear that limits our ability to be happy. While I know that we will always live with fear – it is part of being human – what I do suggest is that we take a break – or rather, many planned breaks from fear. Here are several simple, inexpensive but powerful ways to leap back into the flow of water that connects us to our bigger, happier selves.

MUSIC FOR YOUR LIFE
A close singer friend of mine was recently diagnosed with a rare and difficult form of cancer. As a gift, a friend of hers recorded 8 CDs filled with beautiful music that she hoped would be like a “friend cheering her on from the sidelines,” as she went through the painful process of chemo and radiation therapy.

This unique gift of music touched my friend very much. She has already begun to call on those songs (both popular and classical) when she is feeling afraid or apprehensive about coming events.

Do this for yourself – think about songs and/or pieces of music that you love – that make you happy, that make you snap your fingers, sing along, or get up and dance. And include a few songs that bring you to tears, as well. (Crying out the hurt while listening to meaningful music can also be quite healing.) Burn some of these songs on to a CD or two and reach for them on the days when you need a special lift.

MEMORIES THAT HEAL
Take yourself on a selective walk down memory lane. Seriously. Lie down somewhere quiet and comfy.  Go back to a time in your life when you were very happy. It might be a singular event – or a day  – or a season – or even a year. Relive the feelings that you had during that time. No need to struggle with this act of remembering. Allow thoughts to surface. Follow them where they go. Re-experience the pleasure of happy times in your body.

In doing this, you may notice that your breathing changes. Perhaps you are breathing more deeply and slower. Or maybe you are excited and filled with exhuberant energy.

Feel it. Savor it.

Reed Island Dress Up - Peru

This simple exercise is one way to remind yourself of what it feels like to be in a happy state. Not only do you remember the good feelings, but your body is experiencing them once again – right now. (Read here a recent study here about exercise, happiness and the heart.)

(The photo at right reminds me of a happy time visiting one of the reed islands on Lake Titicaca. A resident woman and her child dressed me up in her own clothing! The people on these unique islands made of reeds are continually re-creating their homes. The reeds, pulled from the lake, are also used for food and a variety of health remedies. The woman who dressed me up gave me a piece of a reed to chew on – perhaps to induce a smile, while the picture was taken.)

TAKE ACTION

Some people walk to relieve stress. Others run. I dance. I find that it is near impossible to think about anything stressful or unhappy when I am dancing. Colleagues of mine who dance – both men and women – have told me the same thing. They notice that the body is so wrapped up in action, that the brain gets very quiet. And what remains is a feeling of joy. Thus dancing & other kinds of action are a useful rest from fearful or debilitating thoughts.

Barbara Lewis, Gotham City

Try to find a type of activity that does this for you. It may simply be walking in an attractive part of your town or city. It may be running on a treadmill while you listen to good music. Or perhaps you too are the dancing type. For me, it’s salsa and other latin dances. You may light up to line dancing or the romance of ballroom turns.

It is a well-documented fact that pleasing, well-chosen physical activity changes the chemistry of the body for the better. Get active in order let go of fear. Another way back to happiness.

BEAUTY BEYOND THOUGHT
As a final suggestion about ways to be happy – now and then it is wonderful to get a beauty fix. No, I don’t mean a trip to the spa, although that can certainly be fun too.

I am talking about art and nature. Go to an art museum. Visit a couple of places that sell fine art work. Or make a trip to see your local botanical garden, if there is one near you. Take your time. Absorb this kind of beauty with an open heart. No need to be reasonable about what you see. No need to judge it. Simply absorb.

In the presence of beauty, we are taken out of our usual ways of managing the world. Sometimes we are transported back into the deeper flow of life – with more spontaneity, less control – back to a state where the mind is calm yet energized.

After taking a break from fear – letting the mind rest – I find that I often return to daily life with a very different perspective. New ideas emerge about ways to handle events that may have seemed insurmountable just hours before. Look for and create these opportunities to approach your life with a greater sense of ease.

What I have given you above are just a few suggestions about ways to be happy. You will no doubt find others of your own. (Read here a long-term study about what makes us happy.)

————

AS ANOTHER OF MANY WAYS TO BE HAPPY...
Listen to Barbara Lewis’s best-selling song, “Lullaby (For A Deep Sleep)” about letting go of past hurts.

Back from Ways to be Happy to the Barbara Lewis home page.

Romantic Words & Actions – 7 Tips To Keep Your Love Aglow!

Romantic Words & Actions, Keeping Love Aglow

For many of us, Love is the center of life. And when love is not flowing, our days can feel empty & dry. This flow of love could be with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Or it may be the precious love from/for a long-time spouse.

ROMANTIC WORDS & LOVING ACTIONS
Keeping that stream of love in motion is a challenge that many of us face day to day.

I was married for 30 years until my beloved husband suddenly died. And now, 4 years later, I am fortunate to be enjoying another wonderful full-time relationship. I´ve always had a great interest in finding simple words and actions that will give my lover a boost.

Here are 7 things that you can say and/or do to help keep that mysterious feeling that we call ¨love,¨ aglow.

Talk – Romantic Words
1. ¨I am so grateful to have you in my life.¨ – These words are magic. Ten simple words that speak volumes and can mend torn feelings. During our hectic days, we tend to overlook an expression of gratitude for one another as a way to stay close. Say this to your loved one at any time, but especially when something nice has happened between the two of you. These words can deepen the feeling of trust and appreciation.

2. ¨I´m drinking you in…¨ – These words are a little riskier to speak, but powerful. You need to find the right time to say it, so that you do not feel silly. My husband used to stand in the kitchen drinking his coffee, and he would stare at me with loving eyes over the brim of his cup. Then he would say those 4 words. My heart would soar. I´d tell him he was a crazy guy. And we´d laugh together at our good fortune to be in love.

3. ¨I was thinking today about things we can do together. Why don´t we…¨ – This takes a little more thinking before you speak. Look for novel, inexpensive ideas that can be accomplished without much planning or work. Surprise her or him with the suggestion of a visit to an art gallery or a local concert. Suggest a walk in a nearby park. Or plan to take a bubble bath together. (You must supply the bubble bath crystals!) Or, as my beau recently suggested – ¨Let´s go have the best hot dog in town!¨

Act – Simple Romantic Actions
5. TOUCH – There is nothing like the pleasure of touch. Next time you have a happy thought about the man or woman you love, act on it. Get up, walk over to him/her and put your arms around them. Just hug. No sexual come-on is necessary. This is a moment for the joy of simple physical connection.

6. DANCE -  It´s very difficult to remain unhappy and disconnected when you are dancing together. Find the right time. Play a song you both like. Or perhaps a song comes on the radio… Take your loved one by the hand and dance. Don´t try to dance for the whole song. A couple of minutes can change and uplift your mood. You don´t need to dance well for this to have a great effect. Dance for the fun of it.

7. IMAGINE – Sometimes it is not possible to engage your loved one in physical terms. He or she may be far away from you, either physically (ie: miles away), or emotionally (you need to do some healing work.)

Floating in a Sea Of Love

In that case, use your powers of imagination to close the distance in your own mind - Love is not a fleeting, ¨now & then¨ element in life. We are surrounded by it. Love flows from friends & family members and from pets.

We are fueled by the love that we feel for our own lives; for our passions, our homes, our work. There is always an ocean of love around us. But sometimes, we cannot feel it or express it.

When you feel that love is flagging between you and your special lover, try this: Find a few quiet minutes. Sit or lie down. Close your eyes. Envision yourself and your loved one floating in a sea of love. You are surrounded by effortless love. You ask nothing from him or her because the two of you are encompassed by endless love. Feel the fear float away… and relax. Know that you will be alright – no matter what. Then find ways to express your love to those who are around you. When your partner returns, you will be in a loving frame of mind and open to healing wounds or to re-establishing a deep connection.
____________

Here is a song that I wrote about the kind of Love that endures a lifetime. It is one of my best-selling songs. You can sample it first and then purchase it as a gift to the one you love!

Love (sample & purchase)
performed by & with
words & music by Barbara Lewis

Looking in his eyes, there she sees a light
And her heart is pouring
Pouring through his past, far into his night
Captured by the stars that burn so bright
This is love
Love is waking here

And he feels her slide deep into his dreams
Haunting all his waking
When he holds her close,
heat moves like the tide
Filling all the emptiness inside
This is love
Love is waking here

The beauty of their skin will fade
the sight within their eyes grow dim
the dreams of their youth will rise
like roses to the sun and fade away
And still their love will grow
Don’t let your love die
It will grow

Looking in their eyes, when the years have past
There you see the heart glow
Shining through the dark,
waiting for the light
Remembering the stars
that burn so bright
This is love.
Love is waking here.

_________________________________________

Back from Romantic Words & Actions to Barbara Lewis ¨Gardens on the Hill¨

Technorati Tags: romantic words, valentines songs

Flower at the Ancient City of Tulum, Mexico

I lost my brother to suicide when I was in my early 30s. My emotional response to his death was a deep and profound sadness – although I was not surprised when I got the call because Jim was not a happy man. And over the years, he had mentioned the possibility of ¨ending it.¨

But when it happened, I still asked the unanswerable questions: First, ¨Why?¨ And then, that age-old cry-from-the-heart, ¨What more could I have done?¨
___________________________________

WAYS TO DEAL WITH GRIEF
As a long-time professional singer and songwriter, one way for me to deal with the grief was to write a song. Some people might call it ¨grief music.¨ I felt that it was a song of healing. I called it ¨Lullaby for a Deep Sleep¨ – a song about surrender and letting go of pain.  It is sometimes known as the  ¨Letting Go¨ song.

¨Lullaby for a Deep Sleep¨ really took shape several months after Jim´s death, when my cousin, Cathy who was like a sister to me, died of a brain hemorrhage.

A different kind of grief hit me at that time. While Jim had died alone, (he jumped off a bridge in Vancouver, Canada), Cathy, in her 40s, was surrounded by the people she loved. She died peacefully, at her home in the arms of her visiting mother.

¨Lullaby for a deep sleep¨ which reflected both of these death realities, became a song that touched a lot of people who were trying to recover from their own deep sense of grief. Click here to see the music video.

Yellow Flowers from Coba, Mexico

SONGS OF HEALING
I have sung ¨Lullaby for a deep sleep¨ in concert many times. Because it hits a common nerve, I have often found myself talking with audience members after concerts and with friends about ways to deal with grief.

So fifteen years later, when my wonderful husband of 30 years suddenly died, I had ¨lived¨ with and talked about the process of grieving for a long time. And that may have made it easier for me to absorb the loss of my husband and soul-mate, Nicholas.

I wrote & performed a show called, Crossroads that, in part, dealt with Nicholas´s death. And again, I composed a song of personal healing called, ¨Gardens on the Hill.¨ The song compares the changing seasons with my changing emotions during the first year following his death. Click here to listen to the song.

People have often asked me about how I dealt with his death. ¨How did you recover enough to sing about it onstage a year later?¨ was an oft-asked question.

The 7 tips below reflect some of the things I learned about the grieving process. These words come from a very personal (not expert) take on ways to deal with grief.

Red Leaf - Ancient city of Coba, Mexico

7 Ways To Deal With Grief

1. Talk about your loved one – a lot
I knew that people would wonder if they should bring up Nicholas´s name. They would wonder if I would burst into tears and suffer from the questions. The truth was that I yearned to talk with people about him. I felt better in doing so.

I think that in talking, we keep that person closer to us. When a person you love has recently died, there is often a feeling that they are still ¨here.¨ Perhaps just behind a veil or just barely out of sight. Talking about him/her keeps that mysterious presence -  present.

2. Take time to be alone with your lost love.
I also found that after a couple of precious hours of being out with friends that I yearned to ¨get home to Nick.¨ I talked with him a lot. I wandered through the empty apartment asking him, ¨Where are you?¨ I picked up his recently-worn clothing and stuck my nose into them – breathing deeply.

While it might sound morbid, I think that the wandering, searching, sense-related process is a natural part of letting go. People hunger for ways to stay with their lost loves. And this is a time when you can say to him/her the words that you wished you had said when they were alive. You pour out your soul, so that eventually new life can pour in  – as it will.

3. Engage In Meaningful Activity – When Nicholas died, I took over running his internet business, Red Flags Daily. This was a business that had a powerful mission to research and write the truth about major health-related issues.

Not everyone will have (or want) this kind of opportunity to keep a loved-one´s work alive. But I think that we need to feel our actions during this grieving period have real purpose – no matter what we do. For a grieving wife, that may mean looking after the children who have just lost a father. For others it could mean doing some volunteer work. The act of taking meaningful action brings purpose back in to life – when one´s life-purpose may have become quite fragile.

4. Stay Connected With Friends
Good friends are important to a person´s healing from grief, especially if they have known your loved one. Friends can also offer the solace of touch/comfort. Don´t underestimate the need for close physical comfort during grieving.  Know that your need for a hug is a necessary part of healing.

In writing about her book, ¨Hold Me Tightly,¨ Dr. Sue Johnson states: ¨We have a wired-in need for emotional contact and responsiveness from significant others. It’s a survival response…Touch is the most basic way of connecting with another human being.¨

When we lose a loved one, we have also lost the incomparable feeling of their arms wrapped around us – their loving eyes upon us. Good friends can help to lessen that sense of lost touch.

5. Celebrate his/her life – Celebration may not be a word that comes to mind when you think about grieving, but for me it was an important part of the journey.  I wrote about Nicholas´s special qualities in my journal. I told people about his acts of kindness and his special kind of love for me. I made photo-montages of our life together. I wrote several songs and a few poems. Some of these works became public, most did not.

I think that the act of being creative about a loved one´s life brings to us new realizations about both ourselves and the lost person. We can come to life anew as we ¨celebrate¨ another person after their death. And really, in grief, everything is about finding new life for ourselves. They are gone – we go on.

6. Gradually,  Delicately, Purge – Because Nicholas had been a journalist and a writer for 30 years, we had many, many boxes of files, papers and documents dating back to the beginning of his writing life. I could not look at those for several years. But gradually, over a couple of years, I began to put away some of his pictures. And I threw out files. The photo montages went behind my desk and then into a cupboard and ultimately… gone.

I think we need to keep our loved ones around us for awhile. And then there comes a time when, little by little, we need to let go of those strong connections. They can keep us from integrating the past into our present – and thus, from moving forward. And it may also be true that we keep our loved ones from moving on, in some sense, as well.

7. Let him/her go
I felt I was ready to have a new love in my life. I had grieved deeply and fully, offstage and on, for 3 years. I had put away most memorabilia from Nicholas´s life.  I felt that he was well-integrated into the fibres of my being. But I was having a very hard time making any decisions. I was a model of indecision at a time when my financial stability rested upon wise action.

I suspect that many of us who have gone through profound grief have come to that telling time when we are feeling ¨better¨ – we know that life will go on, that we will go on – but we are still stuck. And we wonder what we need to do in order to really get back into life. Perhaps it will just take time? Perhaps I will never be ¨right¨ again?

At the time when I was at the peak of frustration about my indecision, I had the good fortune to be introduced to Meribeth Dayme, a woman who practices a process called energy healing. And while I was quite skeptical about it, I agreed to have her do a session with me. After reading my energy during a phone call, she told me that Nicholas was not gone. She suggested that I perform a ritual during which I would actively release him from wherever he was stuck. Unusual words, yes. But death is a mystery. So I decided to perform my own kind of ritual.

I took down two of the three remaining pictures I had in my office, and I put them away in a box. I lit a candle and I said out loud, ¨I release you, beloved man.¨

Perhaps in doing these kinds of rituals, we release something deep inside ourselves. Perhaps Meribeth was right, he was not gone. Shortly after doing that, my life improved. I made decisions with greater ease. And life took on a new kind of flow.
___________________

RESOURCES

For those who are interested in the music:

- Purchase Lullaby for a Deep Sleep

- Purchase Gardens on the Hill
contact me here: barbara@barbaralewis.com

If you are intrigued by the writers:

- Hold Me Tight - Dr. Sue Johnson

- Meribeth Dayme PHD (The Domino Effect & CoreSinging™)

- Development and Validity Testing of a Measure of Touch Deprivation …

Technorati Tags: grief and hope, grief music, how to handle grief, ways to deal with grief

The Value of a Quiet Musical Journey

In answer to the question – How To Feel Better - Here are 7 compelling reasons to listen to quiet music – plus a short personal story.

Several years ago, when my mother-ín-law, Olga was 85, she underwent a heart valve operation that went very wrong.

Instead of being up and awake the next day, Olga lay in what appeared to be a deep coma. My husband Nick, and I visited his mother every day hoping to once again see her bright eyes wide open and her eager face smiling.

But day after day, the answer was the same when we entered intensive care. ¨No change.¨ We saw the sad looks on the doctors´ and nurses faces and knew that they did not expect her to wake up.

It was Christmas time. And being a singer who loves Christmas music, I was in the seasonal music mode, both as a listener and as a performer. One day, as I sat by Olga´s bedside, next to the bleeping and blinking monitors that measured her vital signs, I began to very quietly sing some Christmas songs close to her ear.

HOW TO FEEL BETTER & THE HEALING POWER OF MUSIC
I believe strongly in the healing power of music. It was the main reason that I started singing as a little girl. So I sang to Olga with a lot of emotion and joy (though with little volume) hoping to reach into her psyche and help pull her out again. At first there was no reaction from Olga. But several curious nurses drifted over to her bedside to see what would happen. And sure enough, they began to notice changes occurring on the monitors. Olga´s body seemed to be responding to the music.(Doctors who conducted a recent study (2009) done at the University Hospital in Liege, Belgium, found to their surprise that some vegetative patients (not those who had been oxygen-starved) were able to respond to questions asked in specific ways. Read more here. )

The nurses in intensive care encouraged me to sing to Olga as often as I could. And over several days, we continued to be heartened by the changes we saw on the monitors as I sang. When I was not there, the nurses agreed to play music from a small cassette player we left at the bedside.

On Christmas Day, when Nick and I walked into that sad, intense room –  there was Olga, sitting up in a chair surveying her surroundings. After 11 days in a coma, her eyes looked pretty unfocussed, but she was conscious and awake! It took about 6 months for Olga to fully recover from her ordeal – but she made a remarkable recovery. And today, at 92, she is still in good health and living happily on her own.

The Mystery Of Recovery

RECOVERY- OFTEN A MYSTERY
I would not claim that it was the music that brought her consciousness back to the surface. My husband, who was a well-known medical journalist, convinced the doctors to try other unusual remedies, as well. But I do know that her body definitely responded to the sounds of music. And it may have played a part in helping to repair her brain.

Music has a powerful effect on our bodies. We can learn about how to feel better through reading what science is discovering. Recent scientific studies are showing that music definitely creates changes in our bodies. What those changes will mean to us over the long-term is yet to be ascertained. But I believe that in the future we will use music much more readily for life-improvement.

Find links to studies & other information at the end of this article. And here are several books and music that I highly recommend for you!.

7 compelling reasons to listen to quiet music for those who are wondering how to feel better:

Music That Brings Light

1. You must stay still - Here is the easiest benefit. The simple act of sitting or lying down while you listen to quiet music, slows you down, and reduces muscular tension.

2. Music can have a good effect on your heart – Listening to music that gives you pleasure can improve blood flow and scientists say that it may promote vascular health.

3. When are you quiet, words have great power – If the music is a guided meditation – the words can take you far away from your usual worries. Your mind relaxes and you will likely feel fresher and more focussed afterwards.

4. Quiet music has been shown to slow down your brain waves – It is this Alfa state (slower brain waves) that leads to more abundant creative energy.

5. Pain control and headache control – In music therapy, quiet music is used to help combat frequent or recurring pain and migraine headaches.

6.  Sleep Aid – Many people turn to quiet guided meditations at night when they wake up and cannot return to sleep.

7. Anxiety reduction – Stefan Koelsch, a senior research fellow in neurocognition of music and language at the University of Sussex, states that “Physiologically, it’s perfectly plausible that music would affect not only psychiatric conditions but also endocrine, autonomic and autoimmune disorders,” he says. “I can’t say music is a pill to abolish disease, but my vision is that we can come up with things to help. So many pills have horrible side-effects, both physiological and psychological, but music has none.”

8. A bonus benefit –  The pure pleasure of feeling those good emotions coursing through the body.

————————————–

Barbara Lewis is a singer, songwriter, teacher & writer who has a long-standing interest in finding ways to living a healthier, happier life. Some of her original music explores these themes. Barbara´s latest composition, a serenity-enhancing guided meditation called, ¨Your Inner Voice¨ – is available FREE on her Web site when you subscribe to her newsletter, ¨Keys To Well Being.¨

LINKS TO RELATED INFORMATION AND STUDIES:

1. Doctor Beat

2. A Key For Unlocking Memories

3. Vegetative Patients Show Awareness

4. This is Your Brain On Music

5. Music Reduces Stress in Heart Disease Patients

6. Music and the Brain

7. How Music Moves Us…

Photo by Nadine McLaughlin

As a young girl, when my family had a Christmas party, I used to sneak out of bed to sit at the bottom of the steps and listen while the adults in my family – many of them musicians – played and sang carols.

I could see the lights from the Christmas tree reflected in the window as my heart secretly swooned to all those well-known melodies: The First Noel, Little Drummer Boy, Good King Wenceslas… and my most cherished Christmas song, Silent Night.

THE POWER OF ONE SONG
There is something about that simple song that affects my tear ducts no matter who plays or sings it. And I have heard many, many renditions of the song.

I imagine that the German musician, Franz Gruber who wrote the melody to Joseph Mohr´s words in the early 1800´s in Germany would never have imagined that their peaceful musical statement would one day be sung all over the world in as many as 140 languages.

Some songs have that kind of power.

LIFE´S MYSTERIES
I belong to no religion, but I do have a strong appreciation for the ¨mysteries¨ of life. I think it was a sense of mystery that grabbed my little girl´s heart on those long-ago nights when I heard an angelic-voiced aunt or cousin sing and play ¨Stille Nacht¨ (the original German version of Silent Night).

I dreamed, way back then, of singing the song in my own concerts one day. But I quickly learned that it is not an easy song to sing with its long-held notes and wide vocal range (both low and high notes). It takes a certain purity of voice and quite good breath control to do the song justice.

Over the years, as a professional singer, I have sung Silent Night many times and in many different ways; accapella (or solo voice), with a lot of instrumentalists and with just a few.

GIFTS OF SONG
Some people have told me that this song is best performed with the melody absolutely intact. In other words, ¨don´t change a note of it!¨ But in my two recent recordings, I have allowed myself to make a few changes to the melody.

I recorded it 2-years ago with a very promising young pianist, Jean Luc, who wanted to give his mother (also a friend of mine) a unique Christmas gift. We gave it a gospel flavor.

And this year, I recorded it again with the wonderful Montreal-based jazz pianist, Chad Linsley for a Christmas recording that we will release next December.

I offer both renditions as a gift to all of you who also love this song. I hope you enjoy the two styles. If you have any comments about either one, please feel free to share them with me here: barbara@barbaralewis.com.

The first is with Chad Linsley at the piano.
The second is with Jean Luc at the piano.

Merry Christmas!

Technorati Tags: Free online Christmas music, Silent Night

MERRY CHRISTMAS! to all my visitors. Four unique performances of four great Christmas songs: Rise Up Shepherd, What Child Is This?, Simple Human Needs, Mary Did You Know?.

¨RISE UP SHEPHERD!

Here is my latest recording (a video-montage) of the great spiritual, Rise Up Shepherd! Jazz artist, Chad Linsley is at the piano. I hope you enjoy the free Christmas Music!

Free Christmas Music with Barbara Lewis

“What Child Is This?”

My good friend, the well-known pianist, Melinda Coffey has allowed me to offer you a song from her Christmas album which you can purchase here. CLICK TO LISTEN! to What Child Is This?

“Simple Human Needs That Last”

I wrote this song for a Christmas performance in Montreal in a beautiful little hall that had both walls and floors made of wood. Partly spoken and then sung – It’s a celebration of the simple things in life that matter even more to us at Christmas time. CLICK TO LISTEN! Simple Human Needs That Last

“Mary Did You Know?“

And finally, here is a song from the promising young singer, Cherylyn Toca. Mary Did You Know? was written by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene. CLICK TO LISTEN! Mary Did You Know?

Merry Musical Christmas!

WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

LULLABY FOR A DEEP SLEEP – a song about letting go of past hurts…

“I just saw the video on PBS and had to hear it again. Some music has the magic to redeem mankind and make the world feel at peace.” – 218Base (Youtube)

Barbara Lewis/Lullaby for a deep sleep

Read what listeners have said:

“I happened to get to the video of “Lullaby” on Youtube, and I knew I had to get the CD. Awsome, beautiful, unique, breath-taking….are a few words that come to mind. What a unique blend of songs, thoughts, music. The experience is wonderful…” – Terry

HERE´S YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO SAMPLE & PURCHASE BEST SELLING SONGS FROM THE CD, HARA´S QUEST!

“First impressed by this on Classic Arts Showcase, enough to order it. Lewis has a gorgeous voice, disciplined to serve her musicality…ravishing to the ear …” – Ariane Csonka

Technorati Tags: grief music, how to deal with grief, ways to deal with grief

SINGING TIPS, SONGWRITING TIPS, HEALTH TIPS & MORE!

Singing-Tips-With-Barbara-Lewis.com

SINGING-TIPS-WITH-BARBARA-LEWIS.COM

Join A Website That Teaches You How To Sing Better – At Any Age!
singing-tips-with-barbara-lewis.com

On this site, I take a very personal approach to the world of singing. I encourage you to remain true to yourself. Find YOUR unique voice! Sing from the Point of Power!

The SINGING TIPS Web site is for singers who want to learn how to sing, and how to write a song, but also for those who are interested in the whole world of singing – from karaoke singing to audition tips; from ideas about how to remain healthy to preparation for singing competitions.

What Should I Sing? You wonder WHAT you should be singing?

I guide you through some of the many possibilities: Pop songs, Broadway singing, Classical songs, Blues, R&B. And eventually, even Christmas music, one of my pet projects.

I also explore the many challenges facing singers: overcoming stage fright, problems with vocal cords, laryngitis and more. And you will learn about deep breathing exercises, vocal warmups, and relaxation therapy.

Whether singing is your hobby or your professional dream, no matter your age, you will find vital information – singing tips and secrets that will make it possible for you to sing much better.

As a singer, songwriter and teacher for over 25 years, I have had a lot of experience in this exciting world of singing. I want to share it all with you.

If, after reading some of these pages, you would like to consult with me or discuss taking lessons with me but you do not live in or near Montreal, Canada, please consult the Online Lessons page found on the left-side navigation bar.

“MAKE BIG PLANS. TAKE SMALL STEPS. FOLLOW YOUR DREAM.”

I wish you great singing!

Technorati Tags: singing tips, songwriting tips, vocal tips